The Tale of Deacon deFerrum

If it were true that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, then Deacon deFerrum would be its guide. Though he and his brothers entered the world with humble beginnings, Deacon always resisted the structure and poverty that his brothers quickly learned to cope with. The young elf was constantly creeping about The Sorrowful Home for Boys Lost and Forsaken and oppressing the good Sisters with meddlesome curiosity. It was not uncommon for Deacon to break an arm while trying to leap from the choir booth to a chandelier or attempt to peddle the Sisters’ few belongings on the street for exotic silks or kisses from pretty girls. Strangely, amidst the trouble he produced in his adolescence, he was deeply doted upon by most of the Sisters as “such a sweet boy who trouble simply seems to find”. Deacon’s charm and occasional white lie spared him from Sister Leoma’s cane more times than one. Rumor has it that a novice or two was reassigned to different convents for engaging in “irreverent behavior” with the charismatic troublemaker.

On that December afternoon when The Bastards From Nowhere left, a red faced Deacon bragged to his brothers about the infinite riches he would procure for all of them. When questioned about his ruby cheeks, he chuckled and told of the many goodbye kisses and inappropriate pinches he had received. Though the bluff convinced his brethren, Deacon could not bear to confess to them about the tears of gratitude he shared with Sister Leoma earlier that morning. Nevertheless, with a leap in the air and a shake of a few coppers in his pocket, Deacon swore to be a better brother to his friends than their indigent fathers could have ever been. The gleeful elf strode off toward downtown Marbless, confident and determined. The first two weeks of living on the street was the epitome of misery. On his first night, Deacon was a hero at a local tavern buying ale and bragging about his impending fortune. The following days were spend roaming garbage and hunched under bridges. This is how Madam Delilah Wobblemany discovered the man who would change her enterprise forever. The plump dwarf treated Deacon to a hot bath, warm silk clothes, and a cool brunch. The two quickly came an accord that the lifestyle of an escort suited Deacon well. He dashed onto the scene with ease given his eighteen years experience of making women believe exactly what he wanted them to believe. Although his bed and coin purse was rarely empty, Deacon unfortunately never learned about ‘jealous husbands’ from the Sisters of Eternal Sorrow. Madam Delilah spent two weeks earnings to restore him to good health. Following the attack, Deacon could only remember a large humanoid with a spiked whip and a black ‘M’ tattooed upon the shoulder blade.

The good madam swiftly enlisted the help of a close friend and regular client to tutor her new investment. Upon reaching full health, Deacon was placed in the care of Captain Nathanial Ludisfane by day to swab decks and learn combat. In the evening, Deacon returned to his task as a gentleman of the night. Long hours and honest commitment served Deacon well. He gained much knowledge and skill from short voyages of piracy and the nightly pillow talk with his maidens. After earning his keep ten times over, the letter from Father Joseph came as an excellent opportunity to springboard into new waters of opportunity. After all, there is the promise of a fortune to keep!


Bastards from No Where elijedic